The Beginning

For a few years before I met him, my husband Sam was a member of the Facebook group, The Church of Decemberism. After he moved to Portland in 2020, he became good friends with one of their admins. If you don’t know, the admins of the group call themselves “matriarchs.” This particular “matriarch,” is Andrea Pisani, though she now refers to herself as Drea and throughout the course of the last few years also referred to herself as James or Jamesy. To a lesser extent, he also developed a friendship with another local admin, Missy Tate. Drea now uses they/them and she/her pronouns but prefers they/them. I'm going to do my best to honor the use of they/them pronouns for the purposes of this narrative. 

In January of 2021, Sam and Drea had a falling out. Drea got angry with him about perceived blowups and he didn’t speak to them again until after he’d met me, in March of that year. Also in March of that year, Sam sent Drea a message that was admittedly inappropriate (although not out of context for their friendship) about our relationship that led to their final blowout and a mutual parting of ways.

In the meantime, Sam remained friends with Missy, despite my protests.

My initial concern with Drea was due to a comment Sam told me she’d made, that, “You’re seeing somebody now, so you don’t need me.'' Let me be absolutely clear - Sam and Drea never had a romantic relationship, nor did Sam want a romantic relationship with Drea beyond a silly internet crush. Once they'd met in person, Sam wasn't interested. So, considering that all they’d ever been was friends, that comment struck me as extremely manipulative, and told me that’s all Drea would be throughout my relationship with Sam and I did not want the interference or distraction. At the time, Sam thought they’d patch up their friendship and continue to be friends at some point. I thought that Drea was probably using Missy and another friend of theirs to get information about us, and I expressed these concerns to Sam. I felt the entire group was trouble, and I was vocal about those concerns from the beginning. Nevertheless, the friendship with Missy continued and a couple times he had Missy over to his place to discuss whatever - Decemberists, photography, whatever else they had in common. Missy had just experienced a breakup of a long-term relationship and Sam was trying to be a good friend to her. He did not want to end a platonic friendship because he had a new girlfriend. One meet-up with Missy was in late May, when she requested he have whiskey on hand for her.

This is important, because Drea and Missy later claim that Sam plied Missy with alcohol to attempt to force himself on her, or something inappropriate, when the reality is, and here it is clearly demonstrated, Missy is the one who requested Sam have the whiskey on hand. Hard alcohol isn't something he did then or does now usually have around.