Since publishing this site a few things have happened. I've chatted with Missy a bit, and although we've found some common ground, there are still some serious issues with her version of events from the night in question - June 14, 2021. We had a couple conversations about that evening - see below. Although I attempted to get her to tell the truth, she won't. She skirts around it First of all, it doesn't seem reasonable to me that anyone who legitimately felt they'd been sexually assaulted would, at any point, want to foster a relationship with said assaulter's wife. That's my first issue. But, here she is, doing exactly that.
One thing I want to be very clear on, since Missy asked: she DID take down her lies when sent the cease and desist letters, both times. I have continued to post her message and lies here because it is her lie that perpetuated everything after. Drea even says in a message to me that the reason for her bullshit is because she "felt protective" of Missy.
That rant, in its entirety can be found here: LINK
In one of our exchanges she said something about feeling torn between Drea and I and it sent me down a whole road I didn't really mean to go down, but now that it's done it definitely can't be undone and this needs to be said for my peace of mind. I realize this might be akin to tossing a hand grenade in a room, but, alas, some things need to be said. I don't want to interfere with their friendship, though I'm not sure exactly how asking Missy to be truthful is doing that, unless of course she's maintaining the lie for Drea. Nevertheless, I'm not going to be the reason someone is feeling the inner turmoil Missy and Drea caused me these last three plus years. I am, however, going to state my piece. I think discussing it further is only going to cause further resentment. So I'm going to put it here and let the chips fall where they may.
I asked Missy to tell me what happened the night that so much of this has hinged on, because it was Missy's lie that started all of this. In this most recent telling she adds the detail of Sam grabbing a remote to restart the song, which considering he was playing it on an LP, is not possible. She says she has a memory of his mouth being over hers and of him grabbing her arm and all these blank spaces in between. She says, in this telling to me, that that very night she felt traumatized and that she stopped talking to him because of it. But, she didn't. she responded to every single message he sent. Right up until his last message sent a day or so later when Sam says that he's basically glad nothing happened and that he was "glad it was just silly talk."
I thought about how I would have felt receiving a message like that and I think it would have seemed like a rejection. Was that it? Did she feel like he rejected her after she told him she might want a relationship with him in a few months time and she'd shared all those intimate details about herrself? And then he just dismissed it as "silly talk" just like that? Is that why it was so easy to turn it into something it absolutely wasn't when Drea was mounting the absolutely absurd and obscene assault on his character? It certainly seems that way, and it would be something that's certainly one could sympathize with. Was it a dick move on Sam's part? Yeah, maybe. But did it warrant all of this?
Actually talking to Missy about this prompted me to go through and read the original string of messages again.
She said, in one of her last messages to him around 9:31 am June 15, 2021, presumably dead clean sober, what seems to be the most accurate account that's come out of any of her versions: "Last night was nice, and a hug turned into comforting affection for me and then it got weird." There's no mention then of a kiss, or being made to feel uncomfortable or any hint of an "assault." It seems, if it had actually happened, she'd have certainly mentioned it then.
The first thing Missy said to me in her message was that she doesn't trust Sam. I absolutely don't trust Drea, and I'm not sure I trust Missy, especially with all the differing details she has offered up over time.
Details about her story have changed every time she's told it. Sam's never have.
I can speculate until time out of mind why she chose to engage in the conversation, why she thanked him, why she didn't just put the phone down, why she responded every single time he sent her a message, why she in fact encouraged him instead of just telling him she wasn't interested instead of encouraging him over and over instead of just putting the phone down. Of the many folks who have read the entire transcript, many had the same comment: "She enjoyed the attention." Maybe that's it. Maybe it was something different. I don't know any intelligent woman who honestly believes a man would be encouraged to stop this kind of behavior while being encouraged the way she encouraged his behavior that evening.
Another thing I find really troubling is Missy's propensity to blow things wildly out of proportion, even now, even just to me. In our discussion, she said "He started pushing the idea of coming" to her place. In reality he made a single comment. "Can I come to you and then you kick me out?"
He made one comment. One. And she said it was at that point that she shut it all down. Which, she did. Which, shows she was capable of doing it. So why then, didn't she do it in the first place? Why did she let it drag on for hours? Did she, in fact, like the attention? It seems that way.
I could keep guessing at why she did what she did. Try to put reason to something that just isn't reasonable. But I won't anymore. Instead here are the facts.
The timeline is this:
June 14/15: Missy had an interaction with a man and she did not once indicate to that man in any way she felt uncomfortable about that interaction. She responded every single time he messaged her, even into the next morning. She held firm that she would not return to his place, but she told him she was not "hurt" and she was "cool" with the whole thing.
July 9: Said man blocked Missy and Drea and others on Facebook.
July 25: Drea puts out an "alert" that said man is dangerous but provides no details. When asked if anyone is seriously hurt she replies "not that I know of." Missy said that this is because she asked Drea not to say anything. OK, but I absolutely do not believe that if Drea did "know" something she wouldn't have replied in a way that didn't indicate she DID know and just couldn't say (ie, "yes someone WAS hurt but for privacy sake I won't say." Her pride would not allow her to seem like she didn't know something when she did.) I also absolutely do not believe that Drea wouldn't have said something very close to the time of the incident if she'd been aware of anything. Why wait over a month for Sam to block everyone? Further, Missy made not just one, but two posts on her personal Facebook page (June 23 and July 29 of 2021) about how positive and happy her life had become after her breakup with an ex that were in complete contrast with a devastating sexual assault. OR - maybe she and Drea just hadn't come up with this version of events yet? I'm not ruling out that this was a tag team effort.
She is trying to sell a lie that is not supported with facts.
Fast forward to June 18, 2022, nearly a full year later, when my capybara art becomes a thing on instagram and Missy is suddenly empowered to share a story she was too afraid to share because of fear of "retaliation." In that telling Missy said that she blocked Sam a couple days after the incident - which she actually never ever did.
Then, July 31, 2023, she posted that she told Drea and Cassie and blocked him from their FB group, though he had long before that left the group by his own choosing.
In this most recent telling, to me, Missy is saying that she told her roommate and Drea the night it happened or a day after and they stayed with her but that one of them called it a sexual assault and she thought it wasn't worthy of police attention because it was "petty." That's deflecting. When faced with the reality, she realizes that what she's done is lie. Plain and simple. Whatever happened that night, it wasn't a sexual assault, and the number of times she has switched up the details makes it plain. Missy may not have been the first to "identify" it as a sexual assault, but she is the one falsely perpetuating the story that it was, even now.
Why she was "uncomfortable" is the question. How one feels about a situation after the fact does not mean one gets to call it a sexual assault. Imagine how it felt to be on the other end, to have been given no indication whatsoever that anything was wrong, only to read on Facebook that you're being accused of sexual assault after the accuser literally encouraged every bit of the conversation that followed the encounter and said literally nothing about it for an entire year?
Missy has told far more graphic and involved versions of this tale in other places to other people, up to and including that Sam "tried to rape" her.
One of the things that Missy said to me is that she wants to feel safe at concerts, but the reality is that she has never not been safe at concerts. We have never done anything untoward. We've never followed them for blocks, we've never walked back and forth in front of her repeatedly, never tried to get into special access areas to harass her, we've never stared her down or body checked her at porta potties. We have never told lies about her to fellow fans at concerts or posted lies about her online. Drea has done all of that and more to us. Missy has publicly accused us, ridiculously, of tampering with her car, but she knows that's never happened either. She has claimed to have been assaulted and yet she has no proof and told the man she claimed to have been assaulted by that everything was "cool."
Another comment that has truly troubled me is that Missy mentioned (now, years later) that she didn't say anything for fear of "retaliation."
For literal years, Sam and I said and did NOTHING.When we did, we followed legal channels to ask Missy to stop lying. She did. That is, until she and Drea decided it was in their best interest to post longer, expanded versions in a sort of "double whammy" that Drea has carried on over and over and on Reddit and Substack and in person every chance she gets.
Missy mentioned to me that she feels torn between me and Drea. Why is that? All I'm asking her to do is tell the truth. To stand up and be honest about what actually happened that night. Because it's that which led to so much of the rest of the ugliness. Drea has had a grudge and a vendetta against Sam since they ended their friendship years ago. Missy: What is it Drea is pressuring you to do that makes you feel torn?
This situation has had lasting impacts in our lives. Sam is an online seller - and anytime he sells something we always check to see if it's someone who had particularly strong opinions during that time, he cancels the sale. This was one of those people, so Sam canceled the sale and blocked her. She sent me a message. I'm protecting her privacy because she was incited to the opinion she had due to Drea and Missy's hysteria.
The person contacted me and then Sam and apologized for her words then and explained that she'd since seen how ridiculous the group can be and had left it.
I mentioned this to Missy, in hopes she'd start to understand that her lies, and Drea's lies have had long, lasting impacts on our very real lies. Instead all she did was basically deny it and refuse to acknowledge that it was her action that had caused this reality that we are still living, even now. I shared the information and the screenshot with Missy with permission.
It's this inability to accept responsibility for her actions that I'm finding hard to deal with. The goal is to move past this, but I personally can't do that while someone refuses to acknowledge obvious lies that have caused real harm in and to my life. I also told Missy and provided screenshots that I was not "Joan" from the Reddit thread. She seemed to accept it but looking back I wonder if she actually did.
After all this? I think Missy is a kind and caring person who got caught up in a lie at her friend's urging and is now too far in it to get out. But this is where I'm at now. Missy says she doesn't want to interfere with my marriage and yet that's all she and Drea have done. She says she feels torn between myself and Drea. So, I'm removing myself from the situation until she's willing to confront the truth of that night. She's all but spelled it out - in the way she's said it was "petty," in the way she's said she wasn't the one to identify it as a sexual assault. Especially in the way she described it on the very night it actually happened:
"Last night was nice, and a hug turned into comforting affection for me and then it got weird."
In her lies, Missy has told the truth. Maybe that's the best I'll ever get.
In any event, because Missy has expressed that she feels torn between me and her best friend, I'm choosing to step away, because I myself have had my closest relationship interfered with and sabotaged for the last several years, and I know how that feels. I won't be the cause of that for someone else. Deserved or otherwise.
As I've said elsewhere, Missy and I have forged a sort of peaceful coexistence and at this point, she has removed all of her lies. She can't control what Drea does, that's an absolute fact, but it's her lie that started all of this mess. All that has to happen for this to be resolved is for her to tell the truth.
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